SINGAPORE, January 7 (EVA) - Singapore became the first country in the world to computerise their entire judicial system. The Minister of Justice, who's position will be phased out in the next few months, said "Since our legal system has no flexibility whatsoever, it's a perfect candidate for a total computer replacement. People simply get in the way of the perfect legal system by introducing compassion." The members of the Law Society of Singapore and all current appointed judges will be transferred in to the Computer Club of Singapore and Society for the Obsolescence.
The project, S'pore for the Legal Unhumane Transmutation or "SLUT" for short. It was developed in conjunction with the "Total Elimination of Human" project at NUS. The head of the project, Dr. Doom, spoke in an eerie computer like voice "People shouldn't fear the computers. The movie Terminator is just a fantasy. I, for one, think the future is very bright and promising, for computer that is." In a sample run of the SLUT computer system. A 5-year old boy who stole a 5 cent coin was sentenced to 3 years in a minimum security prison. A 98-year old grandfather was sentenced to 3 canes for forgetting to pay his rent for the month of August.
In a related story, the stock of the prison construction companies and legal computer application consultant companies double in price the past week. Ironically, the software company who developed the SLUT software has filed bankruptcy by its own computer because of its human resource policy conflicts with its computer resource policy.
SINGAPORE, December 25 (SUX) - Because of the recent unrest and protest from other countries, such as Philippine, toward the policy of the Singapore government, the government has announced travel restriction for all its citizens and permanent residents. The restriction will also apply to people who are holding work permit for the past 12 months. The official words from the Ministry of Communication are "We fear for the safety of our people and those people under our care. We do not want them to be exposed to the dangers from the people and the government of other countries. We want to make sure no harm is done to them and the best way is for them not to go anywhere." A Singapore citizen who were interviewed said "I wholeheartedly agree with the government action. We, as citizens of Singapore, should stand by our government and not be corrupted by the false and bias allegation from other countries. I think we should even go as far as cut off our internet connection to the world." In an unrelated story, the Ministry of Information has informed all broadcasters to adhere to the policy of broadcasting material with 98% made in Singapore content and the new tougher censor rules. One casualty is the current top rated show "The untold OJ Simpson story" which was yanked immediately from the TCS's Spring line up.
SINGAPORE, June 21 (RR) - A straw poll of Singaporeans found that the PAP is doing a great job of shaping the future generation, the Straits Times said on Tuesday. This is in response to a complaint brought forth in the newsgroup soc.culture.singapore.
The newspaper said most of the 90 people interviewed said the accusations on the internet "were plainly based on half-truths, lies and misplaced I.Q." The Ministry of Education labeled the posting by a concerned parent as ``pure fabrication'' and ``wild and baseless allegations.''
Many Singaporeans expressed disbelief at the posting which was published in the Straits Times in its entirety. Ivan Sue, 43, owner of an advertising company, said: "It is amazing -- not only can these nerds waste time on the net, they can even show that they have opinions. It is frightening that, in the name their children, they forgo being rational."
Many said that PAP knows the best for its citizens. "After all, our education system has shown that we can think for our own. Just look at headline of the Straits Times yesterday, Singaporeans are ranked number one in thinking for ourselves." said student Henry Naive, 19.
The survey has a standard of deviation of 49.3.